How to lose a stalker in 10 days...

We've all had them...you know who they are. You're out with your girls at an event and you are just having a good time. Then the crowd parts and you see this fine specimen of a man. You two catch glances and you quickly turn your gaze as to not have your eyes fall out of your head. Then he walks toward you looking debonair and with a swagger that you can't resist. And in your mind, you've already confirmed that he's getting some. So he walks up to you and flashes this smile with straight white teeth and says hello. You two exchange flirtatious small talk (name, age, where you're from, relationship status) about blah blah blah and at by the end of the night, you two are laughing it up and you give him your number. {First sign, he dials your number right then and there. His reason, so you can have his number in your phone. Real reason, he' s checking to make sure you gave him the right number.}

So you leave with your friends and everyone exchanges hookup stories of the night. You are just excited about that phone call that you are going to receive. A day or two later he calls you and you guys talk on the phone for hours. You set up a date to hook up and go out on the weekend. So all week you're thinking about what you are going to wear b/c you HAVE to get a new outfit. And you might even go as far as to meticulously groom yourself and have on your "barely there" underwear in case something pops off.

So Saturday comes around and he calls you to let you know what time he'll pick you up. He's there on time and you guys head off. The date goes great and one thing leads to another and the next thing you know, you're at his place (for a cup of coffee *wink*wink) and you two are going at it. He finally does the "do" and it's more like "doo doo". He's awful!! ("I got alot on my mind, my dog just died" for all my You So Crazy Fans) All those good looks gone to waste on that shrunk appendage. You tell him you have to go to church in the morning {Second sign, he's cuddling you like you two have just made love} knowing you aint been to church since church been to you but at this point you will tell him anything to get up out of there. He takes you home and he tries to give you a kiss, and you do, b/c you are thinking "I aint calling his ass no more".

You get in the house and he's calling to make sure you made it inside your DOOR safe. You get off the phone and thats the end of that. Or so you think...

Day 1: He calls you early Monday morning waking you up out of your slumber saying, "Hey baby...Good Morning Tooooo Youuuuu. WTF!?!? Negroe, don't you know it's 6:00 in the morning and I'm trying to sleep 10 more minutes before I get up? He tells you to have a good day at work and you tell him to do the same. At this point you're not thinking much about the situation.

Day 2: You get home from work and realize that you left your cell phone at home. You check it and see that he has called twice and left a message. You call him back to see if it was something wrong. He says he just wanted to say hi

Day 3: You're at home chillin watching television and you hear a knock on the door. Hmmm...you don't remember expecting any company. You look out the peephole and all you see is a set of big ass white teeth smiling into the hole. You are looking all crazy b/c you just KNOW this nigga didnt' just show up at your house unannounced. You open the door with a "WTF" face and he pulls some flowers out from behind his back. Talking about "Suprise!!" You let him in, but tell him you are about to go out. So you're throwing on clothes (knowing you were in for the night) and walk with him towards the door. He tells you he missed you and to call him when you get back.

Day 4: Now this isn't actually day 4, but maybe a couple days later. This nigga had been calling you nonstop and you have been sorta iggin the calls. So he stops calling and it looks like you are homefree. So you get to work on Day 4 and you're chillin talkin to your work BFF when a delivery guy comes up and tells you that you have flowers. You get all excited wondering who it's from, not thinking about STALKER X. You see the bouquet and everyone in the office is being all nosy and wanting to know who it's from. You read the card and it says, "You complete me, I love you". {Cue horror movie music} Everyone in the office is saying "Awwwww...so sweet" but you're more like "AHHHHHHHHHHH".

Day 5: You call him on the phone and in a nice and polite way, tell him that you are not ready to be in a relationship right now and you think that you two should just be friends. He seems to be okay with your suggestion. So it's finally over...Or not...

Day 6: He calls you nonstop. You keep pressing the END button on his ass, but that doesn't deter him. No, he just starts calling you from random numbers and you pick up the phone. First thing he says is, "You don't know how to call nobody no more". You hang up

Day 7: He shows up at your job telling people that he is your fiancee (mind you, WTF!?!?!?) All your coworkers are all worked up, especially since he so sexy. But little do they know, underneath all that sexiness is a man who is CRAZY, DERANGED. You walk him outside ever so politely as not to cause a scene at the workplace. When you get outside, you blast him for showing up at your job. You hate to be this way, but you just have to come hard with it. You tell him you don't want to be with him, there is nothing between you two. Stop calling and lose your number. He tells you that he can't live without you.

Day 8: This nigga starts calling your friends telling them that he doesn't know what happened with you two and he wants to get back together (hold up...when were we EVER together. We went on one date dude). Your friends, not knowing the extent of his craziness, tells him they will talk to you for him. Until they find out how nutty he is.

Day 9: He keeps showing up everywhere you go. You go to the gym, he's there. You go the supermarket, he's there. You go to the damn toilet, he's there. He's everywhere. By this time you are beyond pissed. You are just boiling

Day 10: You are at the club with your girls and you are talking to a guy. In walks STALKER X with his robe on with some footies and drags you out the club. You're in the car with the windows fogged out, writing in the windows "Help Me"...LMAO

okay...enough of my story